


Staring At The Ceiling

by Self_Indulgent_TMNT



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Comfort, Fluff, Reader-Insert, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-07-20 11:09:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19991164
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Self_Indulgent_TMNT/pseuds/Self_Indulgent_TMNT
Summary: Reader is experiencing a period of sadness but doesn't want it to bring Poe down. Poe would rather make his own choice.





	Staring At The Ceiling

**Author's Note:**

> I was feeling rather down a few days ago so decided to write my way out of it, and so this little piece was born. I hope you enjoy it, I do :-):-)

You watched a small craft landing on the strip outside the rebel base where you were stationed. You’d seen this exact image countless times, and each time it filled you with the same combination of relief, worry and excitement as you waited to see the pilot, praying they were ok.  
And you did feel those things today, true enough, but not quite to the intensity you usually felt. They were eclipsed by something else, a sort of hollow emptiness you couldn’t shake. It happened sometimes, settling over you like a cloud. No, like a blanket, thick and heavy and suffocating. It seemed to disregard everything you should be feeling and instead make you strangely, numbingly sad.  
It would pass, you knew. It always did. A few days of feeling almost nothing and you would be back to your usual self, with a full range of emotion.  
But why did it have to be around for today?  
You watched as Poe Dameron stepped out of the TIE and onto the strip. You smiled, because that was what you were supposed to do, and ran to greet him.  
“You didn’t die”, you hoped you sounded convincingly happy.  
“Course not, takes more than a little firefight to stop me”  
“Of course, you’re the best pilot in the resistance”  
“Ooh, feeding my ego, I like it”  
If you’d been in private, Poe would have kissed you, you knew.  
You were very glad you weren’t in private. You could pretend for a short while, but one-on-one he’d know something was amiss.  
Poe Dameron was your friend. You best friend. Was he also something more? Definitely. Was he your boyfriend? No, that didn’t feel right. He was your companion, through thick and thin. He knew you far better than anyone.  
Which, right now, was a problem.  
You’d always managed to hide these episodes from him, keeping yourself busy to pretend you were just tired, rather than struggling to feel anything at all other than a low ache. But you hadn’t had one since you and he had become, well, whatever it was you were, and you didn’t know if you could keep it up for long.  
You were also worried that you could, that you’d be too good at faking being ok. There was no winning, really.  
“Did everything go according to plan?” you asked.  
“Like clockwork. They didn’t even know we were there until we were leaving”  
“Look at you, doing your job”  
“I know, it’s almost like I’m good at this”  
You grinned again. Someone called for Poe.  
“That’ll be my debrief. I’ll see you later, though, yeah? Celebration drinks with everyone?”  
“I’ll do my best to make it”  
The noncommittal reply was the best you could summon. He didn’t seem to notice, or pretended not to, grinning and heading off.  
You breathed out.  
You had no intention of any celebration drinks, but you also had all day to come up with an excuse now.  
That excuse ended up being a half-hearted ‘I don’t think I’m gonna go, I’m knackered from work. Tell Poe I’m sorry, yeah?’  
You closed the door to your room and flopped back on the bed. It wasn’t fully a lie, you were pretty tired from working stupidly hard all day in an attempt to distract yourself enough to stop yourself thinking.  
You lay there for a while, probably too long. At some point you managed to drag yourself into the shower, singing the songs you normally did to try and kid yourself it was all ok. Your voice didn’t sound like you. It didn’t feel like you.  
You dried yourself in silence, changing into nightclothes and flopping back on the bed, damp hair matting underneath you.  
You weren’t sure how long you’d been lying there, telling yourself you’d get up and read a book but never making a move to, when your door opened and there was Poe Dameron, hair a mess, stubble on his face, as annoyingly beautiful as ever.  
“You ever heard of knocking?”  
“you gave me your access code, that means I’m welcome any time”  
“No, it does not, and that was clearly the biggest mistake I ever made”   
Poe grinned at you, you offered a poor attempt in return.  
“What are you doing here, anyway? Thought you had drinks”  
“I did but it turns out all of my friends are boring if you’re not enjoying their company with me”  
“That’s disgusting”  
You were still starfishing on the bed. Poe loomed over you. He was still glorious even from that angle.  
“Who gave you permission to be so beautiful?” you muttered.  
“Who gave you permission to hide in your room after I haven’t seen you in days?”  
“Fair play”  
He didn’t reply, just looked at you, expecting an answer. You sighed. “I’m just tired, I didn’t want to bring the mood down”  
“You not being there brought the mood down”  
“Sorry”  
You were suddenly really very tired and pretending seemed like a lot of hard work. Your mask was slipping away.  
“I’m not here for an apology, I just want to know if you’re ok”  
“Oh, yeah I’m fine”  
He raised his eyebrows.  
“What? I am”  
He sighed, throwing himself onto the bed next to you. “No, you’re not”  
His hand found yours.  
“No, I’m not”  
He squeezed your hand gently.  
“Wanna talk about it?”  
“Not really”  
“Are you gonna anyway? For me”  
“I guess so”  
There was silence as you didn’t do that.  
“Well?” he had to prompt you.  
“There’s nothing wrong exactly, I’m just sad”  
“What about?”  
“That’s the thing, I don’t know. It’s not like something happened. I’m just… Well I’m just empty. Like there are no emotions left in me, it’s just sort of a dull sadness. It happens sometimes, it’ll go away eventually”  
“But until then we’re gonna lie here and stare at the ceiling?”  
“You shouldn’t, but I probably will”  
He didn’t move.  
“I’m serious, Poe, go back to your drinks”  
“Nah, I’m alright here, thanks”  
You shuffled closer to him and he squished his arm under your body, dragging you into his side. You continued to stare at the plain, grey tiles above you.  
“Y’know, this ceiling is actually kind of beautiful” he said, sounding stupidly perky. You giggled. A real giggle.  
“You’re an idiot”  
You didn’t see his smile, warm and full of affection. He pressed a kiss to the top of your head.  
“Yeah, but I’m your idiot”  
Maybe it wouldn’t take quite so long to be ok this time.


End file.
